Be here now

Well Well Well. The actual procedure was under general anesthetic so I was not aware of anything. The procedure lasted about 40 minutes. The preparation for colonoscopy was the hardest. I did not eat for about 28 hours. I could drink but I should stop drinking 6 hours before the procedure. On top of that I needed to use two laxatives, 6 hours apart from each other. The laxatives are needed to clean the entire colon of any trace of food. Every hour I needed to drink at least one cup of water, even more is recommended to assist in cleaning the bowel. :O :O :O It was quite hard so I just spent entire day just lazing around, running to the bathroom and watching some easy to watch TV shows like Sick note and Kim's family etc. But as I was cleaning my bowels it seemed like I was actually getting rid of unwanted stuff and felt like it made healthier. After colonoscopy I was tired for two days, also lazed a bit around. And now I feel better, but still my stomach issues are persistin

I feel better without Facebook and Instagram. I have a calmer mind. I would like to continue it as long as I can manage. I do go to Facebook for its uses in checking events and finding a new apartment to rent. But that's it. I also blocked the news feed part, so it doesn't distract me while I am searching for apartments etc. I was already not using Facebook much. I used it for occasional watching of short videos etc. So having no Facebook has resulted me no problem. I used Instagram to follow some inspirational zero-waste and sustainable people and some spiritual people. Without them I also sense a sort of calmness. I tend to get jealous of having this and that or doing this and that. Now that it has disappeared I have more energy to channel it to more important things. (BTW I permanently deleted it :O) Also another good fact is that I don't have to worry about, or think about what to post or not, and what story I should watch or not etc etc. It seems that it does r

All processes of creation is divinity expressing itself. Divinity is the spirit or consciousness. Divinity in motion is the mind, and mind is the process of creation. Consciousness in motion expresses itself as objects in the universe. Object of creation is the body. Spirit is the observer, mind is the process of observing and body is the observed. Spirit, mind and body are essentially the same thing as all stem from one source. Physical law of universe is the process of divinity in motion. 7 spiritual laws of success 1. Law of pure potentiality Pure consciousness is pure knowledge. Experience of the self is the spirit, our internal reference point.  Desire to get power on outside of the self like people and things is based on fear and based on anticipation of a response. Intense need to control and power is not a power of pure potentiality. This power is used to power over others. This power desire stems from the Ego, which is not who you really are. It is a social mas

I trust the process of life because I believe in universal consciousness. I accept the self because I have felt my inner divinity. I accept my shadow self because it is part of being human. I feel clean because I take good care of myself everyday. I have curiosity about everything that makes life possible. Life is challenging and abundant. I am clear headed because I have found my unique talent. I forgive everyone in my life that I came in contact because they taught me many things necessary for me to get connected with my spirit energy. I embrace my femininity because I put myself in the way of grace. I say yes to life experience. I am joyful because there is so much kindness in the world. I am doing something I love. I am passionate about preserving our precious earth and all living beings. I am happy about the conditions in my life. I have a desk, internet connection, passion, love of my life, 2 beautiful cats, supporting family and friends, good weather and k

This food is a gift of the earth, the sky, numerous living beings, and much hard work and loving work. May we eat with mindfulness and gratitude so as to be worthy to receive this food. May we recognize and transform unwholesome mental formations, especially our greed and learn to eat with moderation. May we keep our compassion alive by eating in such a way that reduces the suffering of living beings, stops contributing to climate change, and heals and preserves our precious planet. Source: Heal your living youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXMQoQ89Vr8&frags=pl%2Cwn

I have been going to the psychiatrist, five sessions at the moment. Two exercises were very useful for me: Strict me vs caring me, Past me vs Future me exercises. I told my psychiatrist that I am very strict with myself and that is making me terribly unhappy. My strict self sets this impossible tasks in front of me and tries to push me. But, in reality I can never surmount those expectations. Thus, I become unhappy. She let me do this exercises where I sit at the right side of the couch and become my Strict self and answer questions, such as "What do you think you should do? What are your goals and desires?". The Strict me says all the requirements that I need to fulfill. After that, I sit at the left side of the couch and become my Caring self. Psychiatrist asked Caring me questions like: "How do you feel about the strict self statements and requirements? What do you want to say to the strict self?". And these questions made me realize a clear distinction betwee

I was dreaming many things mostly not so pleasant as my stomach was bloated and not very comfortable. But some sort of revelation came to me. I was saying to myself: "Little things are not to be worried. When you have calmness in you, every little things falls into its place, according to your calmness". So half awake, I thought, "That's a good advice". I noticed my heartbeat and it was quite fast, so I tried to control it through my breath. Breathing with my diaphragm. It was useful a little bit. Nowadays, I am trying to control and notice my breath to be long and using my diaphragm. I watched a documentary called "Heal" and it was saying "The quality of your breath, is quality of your life". So, I keep that in mind and whenever nervousness sets in, I simply do the diaphragm breathing and instantly I feel less tension in my body.

Hardships can be in a form of illness, losing a loved one, not accepting the self and so on. For me the past few years, I have suffered from some stomach issues, exactly in my lower right abdomen, it is where the big and small colon meet. After a Ultrasound test, they found some inflamed lymph nodes there. On 22nd I will do gastroscopy and colonoscopy. I am afraid but hopeful for remedy of the results. The things that this illness have taught me is immense. I have learned to accept myself, regained my self-confidence, became much more spiritual (meaning became closer to my spirit), starting to make peace with my past. Right now, I am just floating. Floating in love and kindness. Even when stomach hurts, I take it as blessing from the universe, from god. I just listen to my stomach and try to decipher what it is trying to tell me. I believe that there are no accidents and everything is in order with cosmic unfolding, thus I have learned to surrender. I found out that surrendering